A Cynic’s Guide to Surviving a Job Search
Let’s face it, searching for a job sucks. Applying for stuff you’d be perfect for only to hear crickets. Jumping through ridiculous hoops just to reach the hiring manager. Silly and irrelevant skills tests. And anyone offering help through this mind-numbing slog wants you to plunk down the equivalent of your mortgage for the privilege. It’s all enough to make the most even-keeled among us to start building guillotines in our garages.
So what’s a black-hearted cynic like me (or you) to do in all this nonsense? (Actually I prefer the term conditional optimist, but let’s go with cynic for now). When just getting through a single day can be a triumph of the will, and the average job search takes anywhere from two to six months (I’m above average; I’ve been looking on and off for two decades without more than a few nibbles). That’s why I have focused this screed on not how to find a job (because seriously, I have no fucking idea or I’d have a new one by now), but o how to cope with the inexorable slog that is the modern job search.
Now, thank goodness I already have a job, no matter how much I hate it, and I hope you do too. You know what they say, it’s easier to find a new job if you’re already working. A current job gives you some sense of safety and stability, and lets you put those feelers out there and try new things. You can take some risks you wouldn’t be able to take were you starting from nothing. You can try to find something making more money rather than some money. So most of my tips will come from that place of already being in a job. Now let’s get on with it.
Focus
The urge to apply for anything and everything that might call you in for an interview is strong. I know. I’ve been there. But even if this “strategy” is successful, you will not be happier in the long run. That’s how I landed at my current employer. I graduated two (or is it three?) recessions ago, when the tech bubble had burst, taking everything with it. At the time I was making seven bucks an hour in a jewelry store, and my goal was just to get something paying double digits an hour. I found it, all right, but everything else about it sucked. Don’t do that to yourself.
Besides, applying for anything and everything that has an opening is exhausting. Don’t do that to yourself. A normal, focused job search is hard enough. But that’s what you need. Focus on what you’re best at, what you want to do, and only go after those jobs. You’ll waste a lot less time applying on job sites, and you might be able to find a better “in” with a potential employer.
Take the Long View
The job search, like most things in life, is a long game, not a short con. Sure, you’re miserable right now, but where do you want to be six months from now? Latch onto that vision and hold on tight, for it will get you through rougher seas to come.
Realize That Not All of It is Your Fault
It’s not your fault. It just isn’t. And anyone who says so is a victim-blaming asshole. You didn’t tank the economy. You don’t post jobs with ridiculous, impossible to fill wish lists requiring MBAs with twenty years of experience for $12 an hour. You didn’t game the system for yourself at the expense of everyone else.
You can’t make someone else hire you. No matter how skilled you are. No matter how good your resume looks. So focus on what you can control. Your resume. The kind of jobs you apply for. The skills you gain.
There still has to be some kind of top-down improvement however. Like I stated above, there are many important things outside of our control. That’s why we should be aware. We should be activists for change. That’s why I am a vocal advocate for things like:
Medicare for All
A $15 an hour federal minimum wage
Student debt forgiveness
Free public college
Tax increases for the wealthiest 1%
Removing big money from politics
Ending Citizens United
Universal Basic Income
And no. I don’t want any snide comments about how all these things are bad and would make things worse. Look around you. Things can’t get much worse. I’m also not saying you should advocate for these things too. Just find something that needs changing and help change it. It’s not like you don’t have the time, amirite?
Don’t Do College
You will probably reach a point in your job search where it will start to feel like you are underqualified and therefore under educated for whatever it is that you want. Don’t fall for this. Hear Admiral Ackbar’s voice in your head saying, “It’s a trap!” Sure, for certain fields, you might need a degree because they say so, but that’s not true for everything. And most things these days can be learned online without a degree for far less money (or no money at all).
Seriously. Don’t do college. Worse thing I ever did.
Start a Side Hustle
While you’re waiting to hear back from a potential employer with your latest rejection, you might as well do something constructive. Start a side business. You can do lots of cool stuff online for little or no overhead. I write and publish fiction and have a Patreon and a Teepublic store. Do they make me much money? No. Hence the job search. But you’re not me. Your mileage may vary. And remember, at the end of the day you don’t need a job. You need money. And there are tons of legal and ethical ways to make money without a job.
So those are this cynic’s guide to surviving your job search. Good luck out there. I know things are rough. But hang in there. Hold onto the light where you find it. Sometimes that’s all we can do.
